0mega Journal

Setup isn't really necessary here save to say that its an overly pretty red-headed human female cleric doing the talking to a rather large and imposing looking half-orc fighter.

“I apologize that I am not a better servant of the sun. I don’t have the time or the patience to attempt to sway you with the merits of my religion. If you don’t agree with me, fine. I respect your beliefs, or lack thereof. But if you ever attempt to profane a holy place of the sun again, or attempt to gain access to the inner cloister of a holy sister or access her unwilling or unsuspecting charms, or attempt to persuade or seduce any other unwilling or overly naïve maid, I will call down such holy wrath upon you that you will regret your entire sun-hidden existence for the three seconds it takes for your body to erupt into such a glorious bonfire of retribution that even your ashes will scream out in pain. Also, know this: I will show no mercy, and I will not fight fair."

My schedule has changed.
This means nothing to those friends who I have designated to spend time with. At least not for the time being.
But, for clarity, I'm now off on Wednesdays and Thursdays.
I'm living in Plano.
I appreciate your kindness and your food.
Hospitality is rare.
Blessings are coming.

For my other friends whom I'd love to hang more with: I'm on Cenarion Circle a lot more, coming up all over again as a Tr Shammy named Zeddo. Say hi. I'm good on the gold. (when shy I make a DK and work up some gold and send it over then delete) Plans including working to 19 and PVPing in the BG's for honor & fun. Then when I've got my honor way up, I'll complete the journey. I haven't said much or sought folks out becuase I want to develop slow on this one. Keeping up with my skills as I go. Working on maxing out my fishing already, for example. Well, working on it. That's a lotta fish. At some point, probably when I'm 40 I'll approach for guilding.

Otherwise, I'm happy, sad, and everywhere inbetween. Will talk more in person.

Take care.

Update:

Lost weight
Got a promotion
Getting a little more money.
Tired a lot.
Still bald.
Not writing.
Getting fewer nasty text messages.
Working harder.
Got a few company perks, sorta.
Enjoying a lot of my music again.
Realized my true talent: thinking up creepy stuff.
Came up with a great costume idea for Haloween 2010.
Got slammed at work today.
Still need to box stuff up from old appartment.
Miss my daughter.
Tomorrow's her birthday.
Sleeping soundly.
Reading old Sci-Fi: the Demolished Man.
Wishing you all well.

Well, today is the first day of following my 'rituals' (really nothing more than glorified good habits all spelled out like a daily planner).
Things are okay.
Except for one thing.
I moved from the little appartment to the old big appartment that I'd used to share with my wife and my daughter. Appart from the fact that its lonely in that appartment, and that there are too many memories, I set my alarm clock wrong, so I got to work a full hour early today.
It could have been worse.
Anyway, other than that I'm strangely positive and upbeat.

Work continues to go as it should, except I find out more and more things that I should have knwon, or should have been taught. As the area of my knowledge goes, so too does the circumfrance of material yet-to-be learned at the edges of my knowledge.

I am currently in an appartment which I am sub-leasing for 350 a month. But I'm moving out to move back into a big appartment that I don't need, but for which I have a lease that's 825 a month. I'll be out of that at the end of the month.

I'm working on coming up with some 'ritualized patterns of behavior' outlining healthy routines.

I.E. Weekday schedule (Monday - THursday) Nap/decompress when you come home from work for 60 minutes (Note: Tuesday & Thursdays replace with excercise. Make food for 20 minutes. Eat food for 15 minutes. Clean up entirely after your meal 20 minutes. Straighten the appartment 10 minutes. Prep clothing and personal hygene for the next day 5 minutes. Decompress for 45 minutes to an hour. Do something fun for 3 to 3.25 hours (Note: Wednesday this is to be done while simultaneously doing laundry). Attend to persona hygene 15 minutes. Clean up after yoursel entirely 5 minutes. Pray/meditate/read something thoughtful 25 minutes. Sleep 6 hours.

Yep.

The idea is to keep myself engaged and busy.

Yep.

We'll see how long I can go before my next breakdown.

This isn't going to be something you'll want to read.
Its entirely too self-involved.
But it should give you a better understanding of what's been going on with me.
If you're interested.

I don't claim to be a saint here.
I don't even claim to be that good.
But the decisions I've made are based on wanting what I feel is the right thing to do.

Last warning: below the cut is a lot of information you might not want to read. Reading it is probably like walking in on a friend who's embarasingly naked, and desperately working to bandage a challenging wound.

There will be TMI.

Seriously.

( Read more... )

Up for a promotion at work.
Missing my daughter.
Things better with my father.
Getting more sleep.
Getting better geared.
Its cozy in the rocket.
Following the Turn Coat.
Enjoying stolen Blue moments.
The Monsters beat the Aliens (was there any doubt?) but not the Incredibles.
I didn't eat a chocolate bunny this year.
I'd like to be a better friend, so get in touch.
I'll try on my end too.
I'm living on lunchmeat, but its good.
Don't try to feed me. I've been here before.
I think I'm going to be game.
Wish me happy.
I think I'm heading there.

Hello,

Seems the shop isn't as closed as it seemed to be.

So, here's the happenings:

* Decided I've been terminally unhappy.
* Decided to change my life.
* Seperated from my wife.
* Moved out.
* Still can't afford my life, though that may change.
* Have no internet, save at work or when visiting friends.
* Miss my daughter terribly.
* Don't get to see her anywhere near enough.
* Am working through it.
* Have been losing weight slowly.
* Still playing WoW though much less.
* Have friends checking on me every few minutes saying things like, "So... how you doin'?" and "I'm here for you if you need to talk." - This is a good thing, really.
* Shaved my head.
* Am up for a promotion at work.
* My step-father lost his job, my mother's forced out of retirement and is looking for a job.
* My sister is recently divorced and not working with three kids.
* My father (who's opinion I value more than any other human alive) is nearing retirement age, has recently bought a house in Atlanta, and feels that I'm abandoning my family and my daughter.
* I still think its worth it, and that its the right thing to do... but its icky.
* And that's the stuff I can tell you right now.
* Otherwise... nothing much going on.

Well, good to catch you all up on that.

I'm going to discontinue my livejournal account.

I don't use it enough.

Once again, Valentine's day has ended.
Once again, I am relieved.
I dislike the holiday.
I have an issue with romance and romantic relationships.

If you have one, and its wonderful, great.
Good for you.

But as one who has dared to dream too often, only to have the fanciful wings made of hope and desire torn forcibly from my body like lucifer at the fall, I can say truly that I have no desire to see such happiness flaunted before me.

Have pitty upon we dissilusioned romantics.

Have some sympathy for we devils who rule only in our private passionless yet tolerable little hells.

I'll take the blue pill, thanks.

Things are okay here.
Leslie is having some residual back/leg issues associated with relief of pressure on spine.
It seems as though this is going to be a continuing issue.
Bethany growing and becoming more like me (poor kid).
She says the funniest, strangest things.
Maybe she'll be a comedian, or a kids book writer.
I spend a lot of my free time playing world of warcraft.
I have a lot of friends whom I enjoy playing with online.
Otherwise, I have been listening to a lot of different music at work with Pandora radio - a free online radio station where you can custom tune your preferences.
So far its pretty nice.
I'd like to see Coraline at the movie theatre, but otherwise I've been staying away from external entertainment.
We got the oil changed in our car. I got my inspection up to date. We need to do the same for Leslie's car, though it will likely need some additional work.
I hope things are going well for you.
I wish we were able to communicate more, but I understand.
Don't worry about us here, we're fine.
We'll get by.
Just focus on what you need to do today.
Your job is very important, and the way you touch people's lives is also very important.
You make a difference, even when you don't know it.
You're in my thoughts.
I'll try to be good.
You should too.

Still alive.
Keeping busy.
Work is now Monday through Friday.
I still like it.
Not much on the entertainment.
Creativity at low ebb.
Filling time with World of Warcraft.
I'm finding it very enjoyable.
Got my first piece of Tier-7 gear last weekend.
Obsidian Sanctum was fun.
I have a plan for continuing my main's development.
This keeps me busy.
Not enough sleep, though.
Also working on my Shammy.
He's coming along.
Lost power last night for three hours.
at work now.
Things are slow for once.

Keep wishing that they'd do something like the early Noble Causes comic as a television show. I know I'm a minority on this, but I feel that the whole superhero genre and the soap opera genre need to mesh. That or modern era gods living among mortals. Stories would be great - full of family in-fighting, love, betrayal, world take-over attempts, ect. Could be very very cool.

I wrote this to silence the voices.

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Still allive.

Still employed.

Still married.

Still have a living child.

Still playing World of Warcraft in my offtime.

Still working on gear. Still working on getting my Epic Mount.

Still driving a car with a broken window.

Still working on happiness.

Current thesis: appreciating the good things you have is better than wanting things you don't.

Sigh,
Last night was a pain. I got invited to assist in the heals for Naraxxamas, the new 25 man raid in Northrend.
It was a humbling experience, and I’ll be working to improve my gear a little before I go back. I hope the off tanks I spent time healing last evening do the same.
The number of deaths I’ve experienced with my main in raids or instances has now reached 300.
As frustrating as things got, however, I know I’ll be back. I’m like that. Give me something hard to do, and I have to come back and beat it, at least once, before I can let go.
Well, it’s time to get to work. Calls are waiting.

Personal Fact - Since I was a kid, I've loved the song New Years Day.

Otherwise, I'm not really a fan of the holiday, Eve or day.

So, if you would, each of you, go out and have a wonderful night and day.

Do it on my behalf.

I'll be melancholy.

Its my nature.




Evolve or Die

Day of Struggles - Tuesday

I stopped for coffee on my way to work.
So newly shaved, scrubbed, and sweet smelling I arrive at work, ready to start my day.
Pandora is playing the music that I think will make me most comfortable, including songs from bands that I am not likely to share as they are cheezy and old - much like me.

I discovered yesterday that I'm off on the 1st, which is a good thing as my wife needs to work and my daughter's school is closed.

I suppose most of the morning will be spent playing WoW.

Enjoying my level 80 human priest. Working up my gear. I need to go into some of the heroic dungeons. I wish that my other friends (Mike, Mel and Josh) were regular players and on my server and played alliance. It would be nice to run some instances, especially as I'm a helluva healer, and I think it would be fun for all.

I'm thinking about a new story. I doubt anything will come of it, but its a delicious idea, so I'll put the bare bones of it here.

A normal man falls in love several times during his life, each time with the same woman. Each time she leaves suddenly, or he pulls away saying something that intrigues her. Each time he surprises her, which is hard to do. He's bright, intuitive, handsome and clever. She's witty, cunning, pretty, and has a biting sense of humor. Eventually they meet for the last first time, for him, and they fall in love and get married. She's magical, in her way. He doesn't know, even though on some level he feels it. He's completely, totally, absolutely human. But he surprises her. When she won't eat salt, cross certain thresholds, touch iron, or a million other little things. He accepts her. When she comes home wounded, he takes care of her and never asks any questions. And she loves him for it. The story is about him, and the kind of person it takes to be a fairy tale character's love. Its also a story that tells the truth we forget - there is no such thing as an average person. The story would be called the Trickster's Husband.

Anyway... as I will likely never do anything with this story, I figured I'd plant the seed in your imaginations and let it grow, like they do in mine.

It was a fine Christmas at our home.

My daughter was visited by Santa, and was left toys that thrilled and excited her.

My only regret was not being able to see her face when she walked out of her room and saw the play-castle she'd been given.

She's spent a lot of time in that castle over the past few days, so I can only imagine what that first look could have been like.

I was at work in the morning, which was not terrible - and I do not wish to imply as much.

Otherwise, things progress.

Work is satisfactory.

Home is acceptable.

I no longer drink carbonated beverages (apart from the rare bottle of beer).

Having gone through crisis after crisis including the loss of two jobs in the past year (one lost due to my utter appathy, the other due to financial mismanagement of the corporation) as well as barely averting financial ruin due to a sudden medical surgery and follow-up surgery on my wife's spine I can safely say that 2008 will not be remembered as a good year.

I pray that the few moments of joy, especially in this holiday season, are omens of a brightening future.

May you all be blessed.

Tuesday - Again

Day of struggles, god of war. Second day of the normal work week.

For me the struggle began with getting out of bed. I spent a lot of time playing WoW last night, finally getting my main character to the highest possible level. Now I begin the work of developing the ability to ride my flying mount in cold weather, and then the ability to ride a very fast flying mount. Both of which are extremely expensive, which translates into lots of time I'll be spending doing every quest that comes along in order to horde the gold necessary. (sigh)

As far as work goes, the big struggle is how to avoid the huge amount of sweets people are providing.

oi.

I'm off work tomorrow, so I'll do my best to sleep in and do as little as possible.

More than likely, though, I'll be running small errands.

Good luck with today's struggles.